Who: Jessica Lahey

Claim To Fame: Jessica Lahey is a teacher, writer, and mom. She writes about education, parenting, and child welfare for The Atlantic, Vermont Public Radio, The Washington Post and the New York Times and is the author of the New York Times bestselling book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed. She is a member of the Amazon Studios Thought Leader Board and wrote the educational curriculum for Amazon Kids’ The Stinky and Dirty Show. Her second book, The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence, will be released in 2020.

Where To Find Jessica: Her Website, Amazon, Twitter

Praise For Jessica: “It’s hard to overstate the importance of this book. The Gift of Failure is beautifully written; it’s deeply researched; but most of all it’s the one book we all need to read if we want to instill the next generation with confidence and joy.” Susan Cain, author of QUIET: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking

When and where do you like to write? Are you the same-thing-every-day kind of writer or can you write anytime, anywhere?

I write in the mornings, from around 8:30 or 9 until around four, when my kid gets home from school. Depending on my focus and groove, I can be done earlier or later, but I try not to get up (except to stretch and let the dogs in or out) until I have achieved my goal for the day.

Do you have any pre-writing rituals or habits before you sit down to write?

I don’t get out of bed the moment I get up; I loll about in bed with the dogs (3 of them) in that half-awake state where my brain tends to be a little more open to ideas. I let it skim along from thing to thing, not in any directed fashion, just…daydreaming, really. I do that for about twenty minutes. Then oatmeal and coffee at my desk while I check for email fires to put out. If there are no emergencies, all email and social media get shut down, I turn on a Spotify “Instrumental Focus” playlist (no vocals) and get to work.

Do you struggle at all with that dreaded enemy of writing: writer’s block? Do you think such a thing exists?

No, I don’t believe it does. Not in my experience anyway. Even if it did, I think I’d try to keep working on some writing project anyway, even if it’s just for me and will never see the light of day. I’ve had times when the words don’t come easily, but I don’t get out of the chair and give up. That reflex to get up and do something else when the writing is hard (on the #AmWriting podcast we call it, “Ow! It hurts!”) is something I can’t afford to nurture, because I’d do it all the time. I know myself. I’m weak that way.

All of your work is very research intensive. What is your method for researching and organizing material that you might want to use for your future writing?

Oh, dear. Long answer to this one, and it’s always an ongoing learning process for what works best. Currently, I use Scrivener, all chapters are folders, and all research studies are saved as a .pdf and filed with the project. I often print as well because I sticky tab and write notes on the study, and those go in magazine boxes filed by topic or chapter, and those go on my office bookshelves. Research books are shelved by topic. We moved in the middle of my deepest research dive, and I boxed the books up by chapter or topic, which was genius. All I had to do was unpack and shelve box by box. I use a lot of sticky tabs, color-coded for easy reference. One color for “come back to this, it’s a great idea,” another color for specific quotes I might want to use. When I read a research book, I take notes on it on the computer and each book gets its own document, filed under the title with an “R” for research in front for easy searching. That way, important quotes I might need are already typed out, and the notes are like my own private outline for stuff I might need. Emails regarding research, ideas (I often email myself to remember things), and interviews go in a folder for the book in my email app. Interview recordings get downloaded saved to their own folder. If I do a transcription, that gets saved with the recording and a copy goes in the Scrivener files. Everything gets saved to Dropbox AND I back up with Time Capsule AND and do an intermittent backup to a portable hard drive.

You’re also an English and writing teacher. What are some lessons you hope that everyone who takes your class comes away with?

That what’s written in books is not sacred, that you can disagree with, or dislike books, and that’s fine. It’s great, actually, because you are figuring out who YOU are and what you believe through your reading. Even better, if you disagree with an author on a point, why? What would you do differently than the author? What could you do BETTER than the author? I teach a lot of kids who have been raised to feel stupid or unworthy and the most important thing I do is help them feel as if their opinions, ideas, and tastes matter, and that they can push back when they don’t believe what they read is true, ethical, right, justified, or honest.

In addition to everything else, you run an amazing podcast. How has your podcast helped your writing? How has your writing helped your podcast? Are there lessons you’ve been able to take from both paths and apply to the other?

The #AmWriting podcast has been one of the best things I’ve ever done for my writing, and I have KJ to thank for finally pushing me to just get started. It keeps us both accountable, honest, and thinking ahead to the next goal, project, or idea. We set goals each January and review them in June to see how we are doing. We learn SO much, especially from guests like bestselling author and former Wall Street derivatives trader Sarina Bowen, who is a number geek and breaks down algorithms and statistics and royalty statements for us like no one else can. Even when we disagree with our guests (David Sedaris recommended on our show that writers not seek publication, but be ready when The New Yorker comes to them), we learn something.

What does a successful writing day mean for you? And how do you finish out a day of writing? Do you have a process, or is it just that you know you’ve hit a natural stopping point?

My two best friends (KJ Dell’Antonia and Sarina Bowen) are also writers, and our code for having met our writing goals is to text each other the word, “sticker!” because when we are done for the day, we put a sticker in our calendar notebooks. The sticker means different things for different people and different phases of writing. Sometimes it means four hours of research. Sometimes it means 1200 words. KJ said yesterday when we were recording the podcast that June stickers equaled 500 words because she was on vacation for part of it and the rest was a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad month for her. Even with those lower numbers, she still emerged from June with 9500 words she did not have on June 1. “Sticker” is a term we use a lot on the podcast, and our listeners often share pictures of their stickers and calendars in the #AmWriting podcast Facebook group, along with the questions, support, and celebrations. It’s a fun place to hang out, and creating a community like that, a couple thousand writers helping each other with the work of writing, was one of our biggest goals for the podcast.

What books or writers have most influenced the way you think and the way you write?

I turn to exemplary writers when I need to strike a particular tone in my own work. If I am feeling tired or weak but have to sound authoritative in my writing, I like to read or listen to brave, honest people who own their expertise and opinions. Today, for example, that person was Penn Jillette, of Penn & Teller. My son and I were listening to his book, Every Day is an Atheist Holiday on the way to the dentist today, and his voice is a great example of someone who really doesn’t give a shit about his detractors.

To bolster my honest voice, I keep Janelle Hanchett and Tiffany Jenkins, authors of the addiction memoirs I’m Just Happy to Be Here and High Achiever close by. Both of these women went to dark, dark places in the throes of their addictions, and neither are afraid or ashamed in their writing. A big part theme in my new book is about helping kids be healthier by banishing secrets and shame, and Janelle and Tiffany are great role models for that theme and tone.

What is your advice to aspiring writers?

Keep your butt in the chair and your head in the game. That’s our podcast catchphrase, and it’s the simplest path to earning my sticker every day.

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